In the beginning, God created heaven and earth, and drew up an iniitial draft prototype of Dennis Bergkamp. And God said let there be light, and there was light. Male and female He created, and after six long days of hard yakka creating all manner of shit, He was taking a well-earned break somewhere in the Caribbean. Swinging lazily in His hammock, dipping His toes in the warm water and sipping on His mojitos, news reached Him of that daft bint Eve's succumbing to temptation in the Garden of Eden and her eating the forbidden fruit of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil.
Furious to have His seventh day afternoon snooze disturbed, He sought out Eve.
"Oi, you!" said He, pointing at Eve. "What is this that thou hast done that so disturb my napping? As punishment for your weakness to the wiles of that cunning snake, Ashley Cole, you are cursed to suffer painful childbirth."
Turning His attention to Adam, He pointed in angry accusation. "And as for you, Chum. You are cursed to toil and work the ground for food. And from this point on, all your colds and 'flu-like bugs will be twice the curse and cause you twice the hardship than the colds and flu-like bugs that afflict Wo-Man. And this shall be known as Man-Flu. Innit."
This is how, dear readers, being a man and all, I now come to have the Mother and Father of all colds. I don't care what anyone says, this is way worse than childbirth. In fact, it's way worse than anything.
Have a good weekend. I'm off for whisky and lemsip.
Thursday 7th February
A very small loss all told. Summer Of Football had a bet in Australia (Central Coast vs Adelaide - Over 2.5 at 1.96) that provided a nice win and a new service that I'm trialling to small stakes (more on this at a later date - probably at the end of the month) gave two winners from two.
No such luck anywhere else though - On The Nose (0/2), On The Oche (0/1) and Sportyy (0/2)
On The Nose: Staked 1pt, -1pt.
Summer Of Football: Staked 1pt, +0.96pts.
Sportyy: Staked 3pts, -3pts.
On The Oche: Staked 0.5pts, -0.5pts.